Mentoring is often seen as a purely positive partnership—one where a more experienced individual supports someone seeking growth by providing wisdom, support, and guidance. But like any human interaction, mentoring can be impacted by unconscious behaviors and psychological patterns. One such pattern is the Drama Triangle, a model developed by psychologist Stephen Karpman, who suggests that when people are in positions of conflict, they can slip away from feeling like they have choices and are in control and, instead, spiral into blame and looking for help.

Since mentoring is - to an extent - based on the idea of a mentor who has more experience and may have 'been through it all', and a mentee who has less experience and is looking for guidance, mentoring is a place where the Drama Triangle can quickly surface. Particularly if the mentee is struggling.

If it does, then rather than two individuals of equal standing, the mentor/mentee relationship might decay into one where each unconsciously adopts one of three identities: The "Powerless" (see note 1 below), the "Rescuer", and the "Persecutor".

These roles are not fixed personas but rather positions we can shift between, sometimes in a single conversation.

The Powerless in a mentoring context might be a mentee who feels helpless or overwhelmed by their challenges. They may look to their mentor not for guidance but for rescue. While it’s natural for mentees to express vulnerability, if this becomes chronic, it may inhibit growth. A mentor stuck in response to this role might default to being the Rescuer, stepping in to solve problems rather than helping the mentee build capacity. Though well-intentioned, rescuing denies the mentee the opportunity to develop independence and resilience.

On the flip side, the mentor might slip into the Persecutor role—often unintentionally—by becoming overly critical or frustrated when the mentee doesn’t take their advice. Alternatively, a mentee might cast the mentor as a Persecutor when constructive feedback feels too harsh, especially if they're entrenched in a Powerless mindset.

Awareness of the Drama Triangle empowers mentors and mentees to step out of these unproductive roles. The antidote lies in shifting the dynamics: instead of Rescuing, the mentor becomes a Coach, asking empowering questions and encouraging ownership. Instead of Powerlessness, the mentee embraces the role of Creator, seeking solutions, recognising the choices that they have, and taking responsibility. Rather than being a Persecutor, the mentor—or mentee—can adopt the Challenger role, offering direct, respectful feedback that promotes growth.

Effective mentoring involves vulnerability, trust, and mutual respect. Recognising the Drama Triangle allows both parties to navigate emotional complexities with greater self-awareness. By avoiding its traps, mentors can foster truly transformational relationships—ones where growth isn’t just supported, but sustainably empowered.

In short, mentoring at its best transcends drama. It becomes a conscious partnership rooted in growth, not rescue.

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Note 1: Karpman uses the term 'Victim' instead of 'Powerless', but as we've road-tested this (otherwise very useful) model, his term has gotten in the way of people welcoming and working with his insights.