Whether you call it a 'chemistry' meeting or a 'best fit' discussion, most mentoring experts agree that - rather than immediately launch into the reason for seeking mentoring - it's important to spend some time in your first mentoring meeting discussing how your coaching/mentoring partnership is going to work.

Some even go so far as to recommend an initial discussion before you start a formal mentoring engagement - just to lay the ground-rules, and ensure that there's mutual understanding, trust, and the potential for a productive connection between you and your prospective mentor.

Here’s a simple framework: Ask, Discuss, Agree.

Ask

Come prepared with open, honest questions to get to know each other’s background, expectations, and communication style. Mentees might ask mentors about their experience, why they mentor, and how they typically support mentees. Mentors can ask about the mentee’s goals, challenges, and what they’re hoping to gain. This is your chance to explore alignment, not just in expertise, but in values and approach.

Discuss

This is the heart of the meeting. Talk about logistics—how often you’d meet, preferred communication methods, and boundaries. Discuss confidentiality and how to give and receive feedback. It’s also useful to talk about what a successful mentoring relationship looks like to each of you. This stage helps uncover any potential mismatches early and sets the tone for openness and respect.

Agree

If the connection feels right, agree on a few next steps. This could include scheduling your first full mentoring session, setting up a basic plan, or sharing some information in advance. If it doesn't feel like the right fit, it’s okay to acknowledge that too. A good match is essential—and clarity now prevents awkwardness later.

Done well, a chemistry meeting builds the foundation of a trusting, focused mentoring relationship. By taking time to ask, discuss, and agree, both mentor and mentee can enter the partnership with clarity, intention, and confidence.